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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23540701">Sharing</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/yourcoffeegal/pseuds/yourcoffeegal'>yourcoffeegal</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Black Friday - Team StarKid, StarKid Productions RPF, The Guy Who Didn't Like Musicals - Team StarKid</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Discussion of Abortion, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Teen Pregnancy</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-04-08</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-04-08</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-02 15:29:03</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Rape/Non-Con, Underage</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,886</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23540701</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/yourcoffeegal/pseuds/yourcoffeegal</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Emma gets tired and tells Paul about a topic she's been holding in. Also an exploration into a possible background for Emma. Mentions of dark themes. TW: rape, teenage pregnancy, and abortion.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Paul Matthews &amp; Emma Perkins, Paul Matthews/Emma Perkins</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>6</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>47</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Sharing</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>TW: rape, teenage pregnancy, and abortion</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It was Friday afternoon and Paul and Emma had nothing to do. No work, no classes, no obligations, just each other. Paul sat on the couch, his feet carefully kicked up on the coffee table in a way he would not touch anything on it and they were just barely on the edge. On his lap lay a fast asleep Emma, her rhythmic breathing soothing Paul. Some documentary was playing on the small television, which has quickly gone to mute when Emma fell asleep. It might as well have been off as all of Paul's attention was focused on Emma, his hands in her hair and on her back, calming her even in her slumber.</p>
<p>It had been a long week for Emma, to put it lightly. She had recently gotten back from a visit to Guatemala to see her old friends. When she got back, it was a rude awakening. Emma didn't like Hatchetfield. Sure, she liked Paul and Hidgens and occasionally the others at Beanies and CCRP. But she didn't like Hatchetfield. It had too many memories associated with it. Emma wanted to get out. She knew it wasn't the right time and she and Paul hadn't had their house for all that long. And she was okay with that for the most part. It didn't change her feelings, though.</p>
<p>Not to mention, December was just around the corner. December was always hard enough. She had to watch everyone she knew get excited for Christmas while she stayed behind and mourned the memories she never had of a happy family Christmas. And, of course, December meant the anniversary of Jane's death. It meant facing the harsh reality of the impossibility of making those happy family memories.</p>
<p>Tom and Becky's wedding was set for the first weekend of December, and Emma and Paul were slated to watch Tim for a few days during their honeymoon. As far as Emma was concerned, this was a bad move on all fronts. Tom should have been mourning as much as she was. It wasn't fair he was able to move on while Emma wasn't. He could get a new wife. Emma couldn't get a new sister.</p>
<p>So, all things considered, when Paul walked into Beanies that morning and heard Christmas music rather than the usual elevator music or occasional showtune, he knew he would be needed that night. And he was more than happy to comply. </p>
<p>Emma never managed to sleep very easily when she had a lot on her mind. She didn't necessarily like talking about her feelings, but she needed to. And it always managed to just happen when she was tired. So, when Emma stirred, Paul was there. "Hi, baby."</p>
<p>"Hi, Paul."</p>
<p>"Good nap?"</p>
<p>"I guess." Emma took a breath, which Paul used as a pause to bend down and gently kiss her forehead. Then Emma's answer changed. "No."</p>
<p>"Wanna talk about it?"</p>
<p>"No." And as Paul brought her hand up to kiss the back of, her answer changed again. "Yes."</p>
<p>"Go ahead, Em. I promise I'll listen." As Paul talked, Emma tucked herself farther into her boyfriend, nuzzling into his stomach. </p>
<p>"Paul, I have a hard time around Tim sometimes. And not just because he's Jane's kid. It's all kids. I can't do kids."</p>
<p>Paul knew this. They had had the discussion about whether or not to start a family. On both sides, the answer was no. Hell, even marriage was still on the table. But Paul knew she didn't like to be interrupted when she got herself to open up, so he continued just rubbing her back slowly and watching her talk.</p>
<p>"Paul."</p>
<p>"Yeah?"</p>
<p>"Have I ever told you I was pregnant?"</p>
<p>This Paul did not know, but he still tried to hide his shock for her. "I- What?"</p>
<p>"In high school. Sophomore year. God, I was a kid, Paul."</p>
<p>Emma took a deep breath and let it out slowly, signalling to Paul she was about to word vomit. He held her tighter and looked at her with the most innocently loving eyes she had ever seen in her life.</p>
<p>"It was this guy. Adrian. We were at a party. I was definitely a little bit drunk. I know he was, too. I remember Jane had kept teasing me because she thought I liked him. I didn't, Paul. I fucking hated him. I didn't want it. Paul, I didn't."</p>
<p>Paul didn't like how it sounded like she was trying to convince him. Paul would believe every single word she said. Emma had paused, but Paul knew she hadn't finished. With this new information and glimpse into her rough past, Paul just held her tighter.</p>
<p>"When I found out I tried not to tell anyone. I mean, everyone in the class was at that party and everyone had seen me making out with a fully different guy before. And in a school as small as that if you're the school slut and not insanely popular your life is completely over. God, I may have been a kid but I knew even then I couldn't keep it. I mean, I wanted to die. There was no way I could keep two human beings alive."</p>
<p>Another pause. Then, "I didn't even tell Jane. I didn't know what to do, Pauls. But I knew I was broke and none of my friends had money. I couldn't even drive. I had to ask Linda fucking Monroe to take me to my appointment. She had to pay for it, too. But Linda can't keep her fat fucking mouth shut and somehow the next day all the cheerleaders knew little delinquent Emma Perkins got pregnant. So of course Becky Barnes had to call and ask if it was true perfect straight-A Jane's little sister got an abortion. But because she's such a bitch she had to call our home phone and because life just wants to fuck me in the ass my parents had to pick up the phone. So my good conservative parents found out that not only did their problem child get pregnant at fifteen, she also got an abortion. And now my dead sister's husband is marrying the girl who ruined my life. Jesus."</p>
<p>At this point, Emma was just going. She hadn't let this out ever. "And I knew Jane didn't care that much because she was just such a good fucking person, but she wasn't about to get shit from our parents by standing up for a disgrace, and I mean I can't blame her. I'm sure she would have if she knew what really happened. But I still couldn't tell her, P. Because then I would have had to have told her about how I got drunk at a party, which is just not Jane, and I couldn't stand a chance someone else would be disappointed in me."</p>
<p>Emma shut her eyes and breathed. Towards the end of her ramble, a few tears had started to appear on the corners of her eyes. But she refused to let them fall. She couldn't seem even weaker. The story made her vulnerable enough. Paul gently brought her up so her ear was in line with his chest and she could feel him breathing. Once Emma was calm, or at least calmer, Paul spoke. "Do you want to see if we can get someone else to watch Tim?"</p>
<p>"I don't know. I don't know what I want."</p>
<p>Paul didn't know a whole lot either. Paul didn't know how to react. He didn't know how he was feeling. On the outside, he maintained his composure because he had learned Emma liked that so it was easier for her to let her feelings out without feeling guilty. But on the inside, he had never felt the way he did before. Someone had hurt Emma. Someone had hurt her years ago and she was still dealing with it. He had anger towards her parents, but the stories about them were less shocking now. This was new. This anger was different. There was no possible justification for his actions and for why he was able to ruin Emma's life. Paul hated that kid so much that words didn't make much sense. But he knew it was time for him to say something.</p>
<p>"Emma," he said softly as he caressed her face with his thumb. "I'm so sorry you had to go through that. I'll make sure you never have to again. And it's okay. You don't have to decide what to do right now. But I'll go with whatever you want to do, kay?"</p>
<p>Emma nodded her head slightly. "Thanks, Paul."</p>
<p>"And I know you might feel weak, but I promise you you're not. You're the strongest person I know. You can go through all that and still be my favorite person I've ever met. I know you don't like being vulnerable, but when you are, you're so strong. You hate it and you still let it out."</p>
<p>Emma shoved her head under Paul's chin, grabbing the soft fabric of his shirt. "I love you, Paul." Her voice was laced with tears, and as they began to fall against her wishes, Paul held her back.</p>
<p>"I love you too, Em. More than you can possibly know."</p>
<p>"Then can you do something for me?"</p>
<p>"Yeah, baby?"</p>
<p>As Emma wrapped her arms around Paul's neck and moved her legs to fully straddle his waist, tucking her head between his neck and shoulder, she mumbled, "Carry me to bed? 'M tired."</p>
<p>And before she was even fully done speaking Paul was doing just that. When he layed her down in bed and got in next to her, carefully guiding her head onto his chest, she called out for him again, "Paul?"</p>
<p>"Mmhm," he replied, giving her his hand to play with his fingers like she liked when she needed to focus on something to get her out of a rut.</p>
<p>"Can you do something else for me?" </p>
<p>"Of course. I'll do anything for you baby. I love you."</p>
<p>"Then can you make me happy?"</p>
<p>Paul's breath stopped and his heart broke. He moved his free hand to cup Emma's face and stared into her tired, worn-down eyes, which had seen more disaster in them than anyone, especially Paul, knew they deserved to. It was Paul's turn to take a deep breath.</p>
<p>"Emmy. I love you. I love you I love you I love you. And there's nothing I wish for more than to be able to take all of your pain away. But you and I both know there's only so much I can do. But if you want me to do anything, I will. I'm proud of you. You know that, right?"</p>
<p>Emma leaned up to press a small kiss to his cheek. "Thank you, Paul." She settled herself right back on his chest, in the crook of his arm, grasping his shirt and starting to close her eyes. Paul rubbed comforting circles on her arm and back, looking down at the girl who had been through so much but was still able to endure everyday better than anyone else. </p>
<p>Finally, before she let the exhaustion fully overcome her, she got out one more hint of vulnerability. "Thank you for making me feel safe, Paul. I love you." And then she was asleep.</p>
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